Users
DO YOU HAVE AN EXPERIENCE OF PERSONALITY DISORDER?
Would you like an opportunity to tell your story? We would love to hear about what it has been like for you, about your diagnosis, your treatment, your recovery, about whatever you want to tell us about. We would love to hear from you because we want to be able to think properly about how the SPDN can best serve people who have a personality disorder, we don't just want to guess, we want it to be informed. Whether your story has a good and happy outcome or shows how difficult you find things then we would like to hear. Sending it to us (through the contact box, by Email or even by post) is not saying you want it published on the website, although you might want a chance to say something in that way. You can send something anonymously or can put your name to it, it can be a couple of sentences or something more substantial.
Comments: Experience of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder.
My experience of coming to terms with my diagnosis of a personality disorder has been one of denial, constant questioning and self reflection. It has made me explore my own values and principles towards mental health.
I guess from an analytical point of view I questioned how in the earth did this diagnosis apply to me? Why had I been able to function as a professional practitioner in the field of Community work and yet have something fundamentally different with my personality.
Despite being traumatised throughout various encounters with abuse as a child I was determined to strive ahead. I looked at every experience as a learning opportunity and no matter how difficult things appeared I would push myself to breaking point to achieve it. Looking back its no wonder I had a "blip" before I became unwell I was working full time and doing uni full time towards the end I became a tad obsessive with filling up all my spare time just to avoid thinking. I kind of had and have this impulsive urge to please people and will at times put my own health at risk as a result.
I guess I never really viewed myself as being mentally unwell it was only my physical symptoms of being sick and dizzy that led me down the route of countless physical tests and eventually to see a Psychiatrist. Getting involved in the service was most certainly and eye opener. It was totally different to the way I had imaged psychiatric services to be like. My opinion like most people was influenced by the media when in fact these images were only factitious or exaggerated. In general I found my experience of the service to be quite good apart from the huge waiting list to see the psychologist.
The biggest thing that has made me feel like my old self again has been the meds. They have eased the dizziness which has meant I can function better then when I first became ill. At first I was terrified my own step mum even said that she does not want to know me if I go on the medication that had been suggested. I wrote to my psych asking questions and got a quick response and showed this to my Dad when he visited from Australia and he refused to accept it. My Aunt said \"you never had any of this as a child\" . Some of my friends said but your not mental? others said that is very serious medication you are on! To be honest I’ve currently go no side effects at all and despite others telling me \"that stuff will mess and damage your mind\" I am pleased I am finally going against my inbuilt conscience to please people and do what they say.
As a result of my illness I lost my job, boyfriend, car, went bankrupt and took and overdose. Losing my job was perhaps the most detrimental because I lost all my confidence and still feel a huge sense of lack of pride in the fact that I have been unable to return to work. I keep punishing myself as I do not understand why I still can’t do some of the things I did before and why I can’t have a normal sense of smell but despite this at least I have found refuge in art.
I still am left questioning though why current discourse comprises of a vast contradiction in opinion. On one hand, Bpd is seen to be a waste basket diagnosis, where individuals are manipulative and not a mental illness etc and have little support from CMHT's. On the other policy indicates it should be viewed as a diagnosis of inclusion, hence specific personality disorder units and teams. Here in Scotland I question if the service provision reflects the demand from service users?
In my opinion I would question why more funding is not being mainstreamed into services like that in Aberdeen? Why is there a lack of support groups for those with personality disorders?
I currently attend three groups a week for service users and this has provided a great opportunity to share experiences although a course more focused on managing personality disorders would be very insightful and helpful.
Questions and answers
We can't offer a live open forum but we are posting up questions that are sent to us and invite replies which will also be posted. This can be on any perspective relating to personality disorder. This section appears under "Views and Reviews".
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